A Different Way of Looking at Things

Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Have I mentioned the number of babies and young children I’ve seen since we’ve been here? It seems everywhere we go; there are people with babies, pregnant women, or pregnant women with young children. There is definitely a “baby boom” going on if my anecdotal evidence is even close to accurate! Seeing all these babies and children makes me smile but it does not seem to help me to make eye contact with their parents. It really doesn’t even help me make eye contact with the children. My observation of the Polish people says that they avoid eye contact. When walking down the sidewalk, people don’t smile and nod or say good morning the way they would if they were walking in Kansas City. We (Midwesterners) have been taught to hold our heads up and look the other person in the eye. We speak; even if the other person is a total stranger. We are very relaxed with most people we see whether we know them or not (read that: many of us have “never met a stranger”). Our approach to others is very informal. It’s not, “Mr. Smith”, it’s “Joe”; even children call adults by their first names. This is neither bad nor good. It is just the way we do things. Poland is different. And that shouldn’t be a surprise.

It seems to me that adults don’t usually speak to people they don’t know unless it is “przepraszam” (“pshe-pra-sham”—I’m sorry or excuse me) or if there is a specific reason, as in a store transaction. When we were in a grocery store, a lady said, “Przepraszam” to ask if I could hand her something because I was taller than she. When Elizabeth and I went to the Royal Castle, an older gentleman and I bumped shoulders and I said “Przepraszam” and he repeatedly said “Przepraszam” while slightly bowing before he turned to hurry away. Walking down the street to catch the tram, walking in the park, or waiting at the tram stop you will not find many people who will meet your eye. The individuals whom I have met have been very warm and welcoming. This lack of eye contact should not be considered an indication of coldness or aloofness. It is apparently part of the culture. What does seem strange to me is that most times even the children will not make eye contact. I have seen very young children—some still in strollers—who will actively avoid eye contact. The wonderful exception we experienced was two young girls in the park around Chopin’s birthplace. They came walking up the path toward us and smiled and shyly said, “Dzien dobry” (good day). Every child I’ve seen has been quiet and well behaved. Had I spent a month visiting local attractions, stores, and bus stops in Kansas City, I would have seen several tantrums. I’ve seen none in Warsaw.

Another thing I find interesting is that there are a lot of dogs in Warsaw. When I walk to the mall or walk in the park or walk to the tram, I will usually see several dogs. They are all sizes and breeds and they may be on a leash or not but they all have one thing in common. They do not approach strangers. We have met one or two exceptions but for the most part, the dogs are like their owners and they don’t make eye contact or even indicate that they might want to come over for a “sniff”. Even the dogs who are off-leash are attentive to their owners and studiously ignore passersby. I’ve seen dogs get on the tram with their owners and sit quietly among the feet of the standing passengers. In my neighborhood at home, as I’ve walked my dog, I’ve seen dogs barely controlled by their owners. These dogs are at least as gregarious as their people but they often are not as well behaved as other people walking down the street would like. Is there some special training method for these dogs or are they just taking on the characteristics of their owners?

There may be unruly children or untrained dogs in Warsaw, but I haven’t seen them.